We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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