You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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