i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
