Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
