HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
