I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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