I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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