SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
