Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
