Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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