Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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