and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
