He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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