So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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