Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
