There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize