you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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