So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
