A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Please, let me fuck your mom
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
