I showed him my bush... on skype.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
