I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
