so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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