dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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