There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
