Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
