i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
