she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
