I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
