based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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