I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
