oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
