I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
