Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize