why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize