I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
