drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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