seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
