I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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