we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
