Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Quick, to the slutcave!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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