i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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