well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
