You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So many bounce houses so little time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
