If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
