saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
