You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
