So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
