Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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