Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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