I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to be your penis for a week.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
