My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
