Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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