It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
