Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
