I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
