38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
