My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
