Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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