On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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