at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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