mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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