he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
