I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
