Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
