did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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