Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
