If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
