One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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