I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
