is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
